Lapsus Europe?

Without careful consideration, you would think that you can come home from Europe with a thousand different gifts, knick-knacks and souvenirs to bestow on your family, friends and neighbours. After considering this carefully and experiencing the wonders of the west, I have to say that this has proven to be a mission impossible. Unless you are one of the priviledged few that don't have to count and recount your money twice a day, the reality is pretty harsh. One of the main reasons for this lies in the fact that most of the money you do have will get spent on admission tickets. Once little Gretl goes out to see the world, her mission should be to see as much of it as she can. Well, everything has a price tag attached so here are some of the numbers…

Mini Europe (Bruxelles) — 11,00 E

Atomium (Bruxelles) — 6,00 E

One-hour toursit boat ride along the Seine (Paris) — 8,50 E

One-hour toursit boat ride along the canals (Amsterdam) — 6,50 E

Raine Tower (Dusseldorf) — 5,50 E

Madame Tussaud's (Amsterdam) — 13,50 E

Eiffel tower (Paris) — 9,90 E

Louvre (Paris) — 7,50 E

Keep in mind all the extras: 5-20 E for parking fees, subway tickets, public bathrooms (where you can even take a shower for 7E); then the fact that you can't really go home without a little something for everyone… The european cities are also somewhat ahead of Croatia in the fashion department so you are bound to spring for a few items, not to mention the fact that you also have to eat…. Get the picture? We spent unbeliavable amounts of money just to keep our heads above water. After we recuperated from this relentless attack on our finances, I realised that several details in this scheme of things are quite fascinating — even apsurd, such as the fact that admission to Madame Tussaud's costs nearly double than the admission to Louvre.

Madame Tussaud's I was finished with within half an hour. I was at fisrt astonished at the details in the lower part of the museum which shows the golden age of Amsterdam, to end up disapponted with only thirty or so figures (if I don't count the Dutch, which are therefore only interesting to the Dutch) of the international media stars. Aside from this, there were only photographs of the rich and the famous and their wax twins. The personnel is extremely kind. My bladder just wouldn't hold still so I asked the ticket lady if there was a toilet somewhere upstairs. She kindly told me there wasn't one for the general public, but if I buy the V.I.P. ticket and signal one of the staff members upstairs, she would take me to the staff toilet. I signaled and signaled, but to no avail… then a giant figure by the name of Claas Janszoon began its introduction of the museum and history of Amsterdam. We eventually left the museum without setting our eyes on any staff members, our V.I.P. ticket in hand..

A completely different situation in Paris: after two hours of walking around Louvre with my eyes wide open, I slowly became aware of the fact that I'm looking at most of the things we learned about and discussed in Art classes throughout high-school. And even though I really hated analyzing all those works of the famous masters at the time, by the end of my Louvre tour I was actually quite grateful for the ordeal and plesed that I could recognize a pyramidal omposition, a sfumato or linear perspective. Within those two hours we managed to see the Greek exhibits, a part of Egypt and — of course - the Mona Lisa, in front of which a huge line was formed. Tis particular work of art you can't really stand in front of, calmly look at and admire or just plain think about what it is exactly that people see in it. The whole scenario can be compared to a situation when Madonna comes out of a reastaurant and everyone is screaming and pushing, trying to get a photo or an autogram. In all that noise and gužva, I overheard the wise words of a woman who said to her ten-year old son: «It's impossible to get through.And I don't even want to photograph it, I just want you to see it.» All in all, in the short time we were there, we hadn't seen a mere fifth of what one of the largest world museums has to offer and the Louvre ticket price is more than unworthy of all the wonders stored inside.

Beam me up, Scotty

Public toilets in Paris look like time capsules. Made of chrome, with buttons for locks and automated flushing. However, at the moment I needed it, I wasn't that interested in aesthetics as I was in its practical side. In order to even get inside, you have to place 1, 45 E in the slot. The exact amount, in coins of 1 E, 20 cents times two and 5 cents. If you only have 1,50 E or 2 E on you at the critical moment, your best bet is to run into one of the surrounding restaurants, coffee shops or hotels in search of a bathroom and hope that you won't get kicked out once the staff realise what your intetntions are. Try to look like you belong, walk down the halls and pretend you're looking for your keys or something. This usually works.

Instead of the usual «…and that's how I spent my european vacation» ending, I leave you three blank lines where you end this adventure as you like. If three lines are insufficient, feel free to add more. All I'm going to add is that the girl can choose whether or not she will be proud to have met the world, but the world should be proud to have met the girl

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