Autumn had arrived more swiftly than expected this year (as if you haven’t noticed!). Several consecutive autumn days (rainy, cloudy and grey) are enough to throw anyone into the abyss of depression. Add to this all usual problems, along with contemplating what to do next and what to expect from this magical circle known as life.
Some have failed their academic years due to just one single exam. A pretty good reason to be depressed. Some have just passed their very first exam, but they are tortured by various conspiracies lurking around every corner, whether it’s TV adds, politics (that’s rather likely!), movies… Some are almost done with their university years, facing real life crisis. Yes, such crisis exists, but you knew that. That period when we’re all panic stricken. What now? Where do we go from here? The period of idle days, partying and carelessness is almost over. The period of living with our parents is over, or at least we should consider something like that (although many students have already taken this step by going to university in a different city). Being on our own means paying our own bills. Graduating means visits to the unemployment office, becoming part of the system, succumbing to the establishment. -Noooooooooooo!- cries in my head, as if it’s empty. I don’t want to work from 8 to 4! I don’t want to be one of those people that only seem to complain about life, the state, other people, their jobs, poverty and broken toilet seat. I don’t want to be tied to one place, one world. I want to widen my horizons. With my bare hands. Visibly. I want to walk the tundra, taiga and pampas (that is the word, pampas?). I want to touch a lama in the wild, sleep in the crown of a sequoia, drink coconut milk out of a freshly picked coconut. I want to learn Swahili from natives, not hate speech. I want to run from a Bengal tiger, not from the tram ticket inspector. I want to pick coffee beans and tea leaves on a plantation, but also coke, so I can see how the white powder is made. I don’t want to look at corn and wheat fields all the time. I want to dig out a natural diamond, not a beer cap. I want to search for gold in a stream, not wear golden jewelry. I don’t want to wake up a 7 because I have to, but because I want to, so that I have enough time to se all that I want to see. I don’t want to drink from a bottle, but from a spring. I want to be addicted to fresh air instead of cigarettes. I want to eat what I like without fearing cardiovascular clogs, atypical infections, influenzas or various insanities. I want to find out what’s at the bottom of Marians brazda, not a trash container. I want to look at Earth, although I’m not fed up with the Moon yet either. And the Sun? It’s impossible to be fed up with the Sun, yet I’d like it if we didn’t have to treat it as a threat. I’d like this affection to be mutual… Ah, so much pathos in one place… Wipe your tears and let’s move on… These are not just my wishes, that would be selfish of me… It’s autumn. Many people wonder what they want out of life. Some wonder constantly, some wonder less, some never wonder. The latter are either content or stupid. I don’t want to bore, but to encourage. I don’t want to be misunderstood if I say something wrong. I want to be helpful even when I don’t know how. I want understanding even when I’m not making any sense. I don’t want to die without seeing you again. I don’t want to die first, since we all have to die. I don’t want to sound so pathetic, but it’s autumn. Rainy, cloudy, grey… Do I torture myself too much with future? Maybe not enough. Maybe I should torture myself more. I am one of those “eternal students”. I could have had my degree a long time ago. I can do without it, but it would be easier the other way. Do I want this thing I’m majoring in to be my profession, my job? Sure. How much do I want it? I don’t know. Do I want to do it forever? I don’t think so. I want to invent something but not have it turn agaisnt me. I want to see Nessie, Yetti and walk the Atlantis. I want to play badminton with little green men. I don’t want to see any more people without homes or families, although I gro distant from my own every day. I want to get lost in the Bermuda Triangle, and not just inside my thoughts.I want to communicate with glances, not cell phones. I want to be unreachable, unless I wish to be otherwise. I don’t know what’s wrong with me?! At first I didn’t know what I would write about (as usual!) and now I don’t want to stop. I don’t want to be abstract, but to encourage creativity. I want to explore coping with different situations, instead of always being the one expected to have a solution. I want to know what you want, but later I want you to know what we want together. I want to help you fulfill your dreams, but you shouldn’t restrain me in fulfilling mine. You should help me fulfill them. I don’t want to bother with appearances. I want actions to matter. I don’t want to be so pathetic, but I can’t help myself. It’s autumn. Rainy, cloudy, grey… I want to have time for all my wishes. |
